Somatic Awareness: From Twitching Tongue to Peace of Mind
It’s circa 2015. I’m sitting in my cubicle at work when, out of nowhere, my tongue starts dancing. Little spasms back and forth, and side to side – annoying? Yes, but nothing too crazy. Fast-forward one month and I’m sitting at a doctor’s office twitchier than ever. Cue bruised ego, mental exhaustion and physical fatigue from a tongue that just won’t quit. The movement grew so intense over those 30+ days that I was actually having trouble forming sentences. Sleepless nights were stacking, and I could feel myself in a constant battle just to sound like me again.
The day before my appointment I stopped at a CVS to grab a few last-minute items on my way to a family gathering. I asked the clerk if they had any limes to which she steered me toward the wine aisle. Wandering around, still searching for those little green guys, I soon realized the mix up and I. Was. Devastated. My “L” must have come out sounding much more like a “W”, and “M” as an “N”. Suddenly lime was wine and I dropped the rest of my groceries and left that place immediately.
Up until that point, I had done a rather great job, if I do say so myself, of downplaying the effect that my dancing tongue was having on me - but that damn lime was the tipping point. I was in absolute hysterics as I pulled onto the main road. The very next day I scheduled the first time slot available at my doctor’s office. I felt broken.
The doctor checked my vitals, asked all about my family’s history and current medications. 30 minutes had passed and it was clear - I had him stumped. Through conversations revolving around MRI’s and lab draws, the doctor looked up at my defeated self and asked, “Are you stressed?”. Knowing that he was referring to pre-twitching Sam and not this mess of a figure slumped in front of him, I quickly answered, “nope” and waited patiently for his next prompt. Taking my cue, he asked if I’d describe my life before all of this began.
I spoke about the 6-month stretch of finishing college, hiking the Appalachian Trail, and coming back home to jump right into my shiny new big girl career. I told him all about the new house that I had purchased with my boyfriend, and that it was the first time I would be living with him - well living with anyone besides my parents. Suddenly grocery shopping, paying a mortgage, selecting insurance plans, and collecting for my 401K were appropriate topics of discussion. It wasn’t until this very moment, after saying all of that out loud, that I realized - of course I’m stressed! A flood of anxiety, fear, exhaustion, expectation and angst filled every cell in my body. All of these emotions that I didn’t even realize I was avoiding came railing toward me like a giant freight train.
New transitions, new job, new home, new roommate, new responsibilities, new, new, new. The doctor and I shared a look like, “Yeah girl, you a mess”, as I grabbed my coat and rushed out of his office. Tongue still twitching, but me acknowledging, possibly for the first time in months, myself, my needs, and the denial I’d been living in. I had been going through the motions and living out of routine for far too long. I hadn’t realized just how disconnected my body and mind were from one another until my body started speaking to me, well jumping around uncontrollably, and it was time I listened.
I immediately began doing research on somatic psychotherapy interventions. Intended for trauma relief, somatic therapies were created in an effort to support individuals struggling with dysfunctional lifestyles, flashbacks, intimacy issues and emotional difficulties. This idea of memories, experiences and emotions being stored in the human body at a cellular level was intriguing. Having already experienced my own transference of a physical response forming from an emotional reaction, I saw benefit in seeking out this style of body-based therapy, and even incorporated a few interventions into my own lifestyle. Interrupting habitual patterns was the name of the game, and I got straight to work.
So, what did I do? It may sound way too simplistic, but I started to pay attention. First to the physical body, and then my emotional being. Piece by piece, I’d take a full body scan, stopping and breathing into any rigid physical parts, and then to the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that existed beneath the surface. I spent designated moments each day learning how to transition my mind, body and brain back into alignment so that I could finally, hopefully, work to regain calm and security. Note that I didn’t just take these scans in the moments that I felt heavy or out of control, no. It’s about setting up real, consistent time to practice somatic awareness, since clearly, we’re pretty good at tricking the mind into thinking we’re fine… when clearly, we are not.
It’s not enough to only pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Feeling connected to our environment is equally beneficial. Grounding exercises are useful tools in calming and regulating the nervous system when you begin feeling unsettled. These techniques can successfully distract and refocus your awareness back into the present moment. Activities include consciously moving your body while observing the surfaces you touch, or even listening intently to your surroundings. Grounding exercises can create space from intense sensations which gives you the unique opportunity to become an observer before responding.
Next, it was time to do something that, honestly, still feels a little edgy to me – acknowledge support. Before embarking on the deeper, more intimate internal work, we have to identify the resources that are available to us, and if you’re the “I can do all things on my own” type (welcome to the club), this may be your biggest hurdle and best investment. These resources are your relationships, experiences and spaces of strength. Whether nurturing, protective, empowerment-based or just plain old familiar, there are specific people, places and things that help us feel secure and elicit a sense of ease. Acknowledge them. Name them. Exist within them. If they’re people, tell them. When things are transitioning out of alignment, these feel-good thoughts, feelings and interactions will help to bring you back.
Lastly, setting boundaries. These aren’t the typical boundaries that we think of when working with partners or loved ones, although those could be really useful as well. Instead, these are the internal and foundational building blocks that help steady our somatic reactions by encouraging selectivity. Ultimately, we decide what does and does not enter our force field, so to speak. So, what if we practiced words like “yes”, “no”, “stop” to express our own internal limits. These self-regulated boundaries can help draw awareness to areas where we may be lacking structure or parts of us that may feel chaotic.
As for me? I’d love to say things wrapped up shortly after my big “aha” moment… but they didn’t. My tongue continued to dance, and drive me crazy, for a few more weeks as I worked to become more present. Oh what, you thought this was a fairy tale or something? Nah, I had to do some hard work first. Since those days back in 2015, my tongue has acted a fool on two other separate occasions. Each a moment in life where I was living out of alignment with my needs. Each a time when I didn’t realize that I needed a little extra reminder to be present. I think of my dancing tongue as my own personal (really annoying) alarm clock that helps me get back on track.
Our body is speaking to us, when we have the courage to listen.
Click here to learn more about somatic therapy.
