Managing the Worry Monster
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I hope you all enjoyed your long weekend and took some time away from the onslaught of email campaigns coming your way.
In spite of this time of year generally bringing cheer and gratitude, the world is still quite overwhelming right now.
I know I am not alone in struggling with all the “what ifs” and “what now?” as things remain unsettled, undetermined, and well, kind of scary.
So, I’m going to share with you what helps me when the worry monster grasps on pretty hard.
TOOLS
I’ve shared this story before, but I find myself needing to come back to it often.
Do you read the news? Do you wake up to NYTimes Daily Briefing, The Skimm, or some other daily news source cramming information your way?
Here’s the thing:
“Starting your day with bad news is terrible for your mental health.”
Research has shown that just consuming 3 minutes of headline news leads to 8 hours of unhappiness. THAT IS THE MAJORITY OF YOUR DAY!
My husband gets alerts from “Breaking News” on his phone. He really needs to stop those notifications. It’s hard not to get riled up, anxious, and fearful when we’re shocked into more bad news again and again and again.
There’s this anecdote of this older man saying he never concerned himself with the daily headlines from news sources. He instead created his own headlines of good things he saw in the world each day.
The tool then is simple: what you focus on grows.
I’m not saying to ignore the pressing concerns facing our world, but what I’m suggesting is to choose where you focus.
I’ll share next how to do this.
GRATITUDE
Esther Hicks is cited as having created The Appreciation Game. It goes like this:
Set a timer or watch the clock for 90 seconds. In those 90 seconds, list out loud all the things that are good and that you are grateful for. Keep going for the full 90 seconds.
You’ll find that you’ll start with simple (important) things like your health, family, house and then you’ll get more specific and nuanced. You’ll find yourself expressing gratitude for things you don’t usually reflect on.
This 90-second practice can enhance your mood and shift your attention. Don’t believe me? Just try it next time you feel down, anxious, bored, or angry.
INNOVATION
The Appreciation Game is so great because we can shift our entire mood and nervous system response in 90 seconds. With reciting things that are good, for that long, we embody gratitude. While channeling your focus to appreciation and the good things, it is important to not dismiss the uncomfortable emotions bad news, worry and scary events bring up.
Despite what most people do, it is well researched that we must feel into our emotions. This is for both the happy and uncomfortable ones!
With sad, scary, angry thoughts and feelings we too must allow them the same consideration and feel into them. That is why a good cry is so cathartic.
By moving through the emotion we allow for the entire experience of it so we can adequately process it.
How to feel your into your emotion (instead of dismissing, pushing down, and avoiding):
Crying
Yelling or screaming out a window, into a pillow, or into our hands
Mind-body movements like dance, yoga, and Tai-Chi
Repetitive exercise like running, cycling, swimming
Walking outside without distraction
Talking about it out loud with someone who will listen
Hugging a loved one, pillow, or stuffed animal
Listening to emotional music while crying, journaling, or singing
At any time, welcoming the emotion in to feel it to its fullest expression
FEELS
I once worked at a company that took itself and its mission very seriously. So seriously that they didn’t have room for my level of optimism and in fact referred to me (not kindly) as Pollyanna. This term is used in pop culture for describing someone with toxic positivity.
And I can admit that there have been periods of my life when I did not allow myself to be in my uncomfortable emotions and so I would dismiss, avoid and “think positively” my way out of them. But just like we grow up, so does our emotional maturity.
Now, I can make room to observe the things that cause me worry and pain. I am working on reading headlines and allowing myself to feel the genuine sadness and fear without it altogether consuming me. I make sure I give myself quiet time to process what I’ve been consuming and release it. For me, exercise is that method.
I can also notice when my mood needs a pick-me-up and choose to shift my focus to the good. I literally can feel my frown and the need to turn it upside down. To quickly reset my cynicism I play the Appreciation Game, take a walk in nature, look up instead of down at my phone, listen to a favorite song, or hug my kiddo.
And remember, it’s not about what you have, it’s about how you feel about what you have. When the world feels dark and scary, let yourself settle on the right now and feel into it all.
It can be really, really good in spite of it all.
Click here to learn more about therapy for anxiety.
