Lessons Learned From Impact
First, I’m okay. Despite having to take all the rest of last week off, I’m recovering well. If you noticed no newsletter last week, that was why.
Special thanks to my friend Liz at Sport and Spine, my family for stepping up, so many people checking in on me, and the team at Reset. If you haven’t met Amanda or Margaux yet, our new Practice Manager and Marketing Coordinator, they are very wonderful humans who are among the select few that have now seen my husband cry.
When you have something shocking, like getting hit by a car, from behind, while walking back to the office after getting a cappuccino on a sunny day, you HAVE to pause. So, in this week’s newsletter I’m sharing a bit of what has been mulling around in my mind since the accident.
TOOLS
After I got hit last week I had a lot of people, lovingly, tell me things like:
“Well, here is your wake up call! Time to change things!”
“The Universe sure is teaching you a lesson”
“You literally were smacked into slowing down!”
“Rest, take care of you, just relax, it’s so important”
And yes, I understood all of that.
The thing was, immediately before the moment I was hit to the ground, I was happy. I was loving my routine of taking care of myself in the mornings by waking up a bit earlier. I was setting good boundaries with my workload. I was seeing my therapist weekly, practicing more sobriety and feeling really connected to my husband and kids. Things weren’t all that bad.
I think when we go through something traumatic sometimes we immediately think we need to change things.
Instead, for me, it was a (not so gentle) reminder to be accepting of all the things I cannot change. You see, life right now is just a busy season. How can it not be while I have 2 little kids, run a business and am dealing with a pandemic? My life is just naturally a lot right now. And when I resist that, get angry at the reality of what is, try and change the things I really cannot change, then I create my suffering.
The greatest tool out of trauma is knowing that what we resist, persists.
Pain is meant to be felt. It’s suffering that lingers when we fight against what is or what has happened.
GRATITUDE
Okay, so I am very grateful I was able to walk away from the accident. I know that every 88 minutes a pedestrian is killed by a vehicle. I know that detail because last week I let myself go down a little rabbit hole of “what ifs”.
It was on Friday when I broke. It all finally hit me. The shock had worn off, the adrenalin was released and I was left with the reality of it all. So I let myself feel the pain. I let myself feel the fear, anger, sadness, and the “what ifs”.
I cried on my bed for about an hour. I texted my husband that no, I was not okay and someone needed to help with the kids. I shook in the shower. Heaving while I processed the trauma.
And it was all okay to do. You see, the guilt/shame/embarrassment/denial I felt earlier in the week was my suffering. I felt like I didn’t know how to appropriately react. I was worried I was being both too dramatic and too demure. I hated letting my kids and clients down, not being available to them, while also fully aware I needed to selfishly care for me. I was so stuck and annoyed that I was even in that situation.
I was resisting. When I finally sat in the pain of it all, I felt the release.
INNOVATION
And with the release, came the clarity.
The accident wasn’t about slowing down in totality. And really, the innovative Reset motto of “join the slow down revolution” isn’t about working less and relaxing more. It’s never been about that.
Because lets be honest, for most of us, the time that is necessary for “slowing down” just not possible! Even when you get hit by a car, life doesn’t stop. We’ve all learned that with Covid.
Slowing down looks different than “self-care”. I’m offering you other definitions.
Slowing down can look like…
being patient with the unfolding of life
paying attention to the little signs, messages and moments
not initiating or forcing and instead trusting the timing
releasing any false sense of urgency
sitting in what is, accepting the seasons for what they are, not distracting, avoiding or numbing our way through discomfort
FEELS
As I started this week back into the normal day to day, I shifted.
Yes, things are busy. Yes, we are rushing. Yes, I wish for a bit more quiet.
But this is temporary and it is just right now, this moment to moment experience.
I’m feeling thankful to our intern, Irene, who shared this mantra this week:
“Now, it’s like this”
Each time I feel discomfort or pain, I settle in and can say to myself “now, it’s like this”. In time, with practice, the pain becomes more tolerable. I don’t push against it, I just melt into it. I grow. I get more spacious.
I am patient in the experience of it all.
I hope you too can look at maybe this season of your life, all the hard things, and settle into it with more ease, acceptance and compassion. I also know it’s hard. And easy to forget.
Remember me, and the rest of the Reset team, are humans like you, practicing this stuff every day. If you need some help, come visit us.
Take good care of yourself this week, look up and pay attention ;)
Click here to learn more about therapy for trauma.
