8 Mental Health Survival Tips for the 4th Trimester
Your mental health can take a hit after you’ve had a baby even if you don’t experience postpartum anxiety or depression. Taking small steps to improve your mental health can make a big difference. Remember that this time isn’t all about the baby. It’s about you. It’s about your family. Choosing to work on your mental health creates ripples – ripples that can benefit the health of your expanding family.
1. Allow your emotions to be
The 4th trimester will challenge you. A lot of these challenges are out of your control. What is within your control is your ability to accept the emotions that come. This is a vital step in emotional regulation. Resistance to your emotions and your current reality sounds like “It shouldn’t be like this.” “I should be over the moon right now.” “I shouldn’t feel (angry, resentful, frustrated, overwhelmed, bitter, depressed, etc.).” All of these feelings are common, and none mean that you’re doing a bad job. Resisting your emotions and your reality can turn a challenging time into an unbearable time. All emotions are acceptable. If accepting your unpleasant emotions feels impossible, we’re here to help. I promise you that it can be done. And it’s worth it.
2. Take care of yourself
Your health and the health of your baby are your priorities right now. Make sure you’re drinking lots of water and eating regularly. Prioritize your sleep when you can. I can’t overemphasize the importance of sleep. Mood symptoms become much worse when you are sleep deprived. You may find yourself struggling to sleep (you’re likely a bit anxious and highly sensitive to any sounds from the baby) but give yourself the opportunity. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, and cooking meals are great tasks to delegate if you have the support to do so. Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family to make meals and drop them off. Reach out to a lactation consultant if you’re breastfeeding and constant feedings are keeping you up all night. Ask your partner to take some night feedings if you are bottle feeding. Your mental health will be greatly improved if you’re taking care of yourself and better mental health makes you better able to care for your baby.
3. Share what’s joyful and what’s challenging
Who do you have in your life that you can confide in? Every mom needs at least one person who will listen while they share the beautiful and the ugly of motherhood. This person doesn’t react and doesn’t shame. This person respects your choices and listens to you with empathy and understanding. This person can be a partner, a parent, a close friend, or even a therapist.
“It’s hard not to compare yourself to other moms but remember that there is beauty in your unique story – in all the ups and the downs.”
4. Let go of perfection
Perfectionism can rear its ugly head for the first time during the postpartum period. If you’ve struggled with it before, anticipate that it will resurface. Perfectionism is an attempt to gain absolute control. It’s a defense mechanism that protects us from feeling shame. Perfectionism says, “If I do it all right, then I won’t have to feel hard emotions.” It denies the reality that all humans make mistakes and that hard emotions are an inevitable part of life. The thing is perfectionism doesn’t work. It is born out of a desire to avoid feeling shame, but paradoxically, people who have this tendency actually feel much more shame than others. You will make mistakes. Every mom does. Your baby doesn’t need perfection from you. All your baby needs is relatively consistent love and care.
5.Accept your state of dependence
No mother is an island. Get comfortable asking for help. If possible, arrange for specific help before you deliver. Evaluate the resources you have available to you. What role could the baby’s grandparents play? What about your friends? Childcare? Can you join a mom’s group? Needing a lot of help with a new baby is expected. Don’t wait until you’re over your head to ask for it.
6. Drop your reliance on Google and social media
Google and social media do not know your unique situation. Both set you up for an avalanche of fear and “I’m not good enough.” If you’re worried about the health of you or your baby, call your doctor or midwife. Make a list of reliable and accurate sources of information before delivery so that you are not left reading about every scary health outcome that could befall you and your baby on WebMD. It may be a good time to take a social media break too. If you’re not prepared to get off social media altogether, find a few accounts that provide accurate information about the postpartum period and are uplifting and supportive (such as accounts by midwives, OB/GYNs, pediatricians, doulas, lactation consultants, or therapists trained in perinatal care). Commit to avoiding mindless scrolling through the accounts of mothers who seem to be doing everything perfectly. That’s a recipe for shame. Protecting your mental health means being conscientious about what you give your attention to.
7. Choose a mantra
A mantra is a phrase that you repeat frequently to help you feel grounded and focused on what’s important. I love Brené Brown’s mantra - “I am not here to be right, I am here to get it right.” Another example is “I choose to slow down so I can love my baby and my body.” Choose a mantra that makes sense for you and repeat it often. When you notice your thoughts spiraling (i.e. catastrophic thinking), bring your focus to your mantra.
8. Establish a relationship with a therapist and/or attend a support group
Depression and anxiety are very common after birth. What used to be understood just as postpartum depression has now been expanded to represent the full spectrum of mental health challenges that can emerge after delivery and even during pregnancy. The spectrum is known as perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD) and includes depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Another blog post will cover the warning signs for postpartum anxiety and depression. If you think you may be struggling, reach out to a Reset Brain + Body therapist. We have clinicians who have received specialized training in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders who can offer you compassionate care. Even if you are not experiencing anxiety or depression, it can be a good idea to see a therapist to help you adjust.
Support groups are another great way to care for yourself. Reset Brain and Body offers a free virtual support group for new moms that meets weekly.
Reality check
None of these tips are easy fixes and all can be difficult to execute. Be patient with yourself, Mama! You’re going through a HUGE life change. It can be really difficult to go through so much change at once. It’s hard not to compare yourself to other moms but remember that there is beauty in your unique story – in all the ups and the downs.
Click here to learn more about counseling for post-partum issues.
