TGIF | Maintaining Hope and Mental Health During Challenging Times
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Dear Community,
The sicknesses going around finally caught me, just as I was on an airplane descent for a long-planned girls' trip last week. I could feel Alanis Morissette in my ear singing to me about irony. However, being sick on a beach was preferable to being sick in -30 degrees back at home, so I cannot complain too much. In my daze, I chose to ignore most current events and felt overwhelmed upon returning to the mainland last weekend.
I kept looking for answers, truth, and guidance within all the noise. I wanted someone to tell me what to do. I noticed the anxiety stirring and the two common reactions to intense anxiety: dissociating by distraction and other numbing/avoidance mechanisms, or leaning hard into what I felt I could control with the vigor of a warrior.
The truth is: neither strategy helps long-term. Maybe the short-term strategy provides relief, but to cope with uncertainty, unpredictability, worry, and unrest, a more sustainable approach is needed. So, I sought out more guidance, sat in silence a lot, and am sharing a more solid roadmap today.
Here is how we sustain hope and our mental health in challenging times.
Look for the Helpers
Mr. Rogers never does us wrong in times of tragedy and crisis. When things feel like they are going haywire and hope is all but depleted, he reminds us to look for the helpers. Right now, there are a lot of individuals fiercely advocating and fighting to protect the climate, human rights, dignity, and morality. Individuals are standing up to bullies and saying what needs to be said. These people are in our immediate communities and on international stages. Find them, amplify them, and remind yourself that you, too, can be a helper.
One thing to note, and I find it deeply important when it comes to helping: Remember that we are all one, and therefore when you take on the role of the helper, sometimes you then look at others as the "helpees." Try not to "other" if you step into the role of helper, and instead stay intently present with their pain, sorrow, and suffering. Only then can we remain most genuinely connected and understand that their pain is ours. When we feel this intensely, we are most productive in our helping. Not by getting consumed by it or feeling superior in our role as a helper, but by being so present with another, seeing and hearing them, leading with empathy, we are of most service to others.
Notice the Courageous
Alongside the helpers, we have to look for those being so courageous. Here are the people, companies, and organizations holding boundaries, saying "no," staying true to their values, and not bending a knee to external influences. These are the ones speaking up at town halls, sharing their stories on social media, educating neighbors, and being supremely vulnerable. There are residents along the burned-down coasts rallying together for support, change, and attention.
A dear friend of mine from childhood is Mexican and lives in a tiny town in western Illinois. She wrote a poem and shared it online, opening herself up to a lot of judgment. I'm so proud of her, and she demonstrates the courage that is so necessary right now. I'm sharing her poem below for you. Maybe it'll inspire you or others to share your truth, too, so differences can be shared and enlighten hearts to open to understanding, empathy and maybe even change.
Celebrate Small Victories
During any crisis, it can feel as though nothing is going right. When we face deep grief or are awash with uncertainty, our vision is clouded. There is a term in the loss community called grief fog, and it's the result of traumatic loss that has us moving through our days disconnected from ourselves, others, and the present moment. It's a coping mechanism - a way to dissociate - that can be helpful but is not sustainable.
Often when we are in pain or know others are in dire pain, we choose to ignore opportunities for joy or gratitude. We feel our own good fortune or positive events are in violation of the tremendous loss and hardship. How can we hold both at the same time? Big breath, because we have to. Even in the midst of horrific moments, there are moments of light. In fact, we must pull the light forward, especially in times of darkness.
Seeing a cardinal in the white snow. The happiness of a pet greeting you. A warm soup. A sunrise. The laugh of a child. A great dance song. These are all worth paying attention to.
Stay Intently Present
And so yes, we must continue to pay attention to each present moment. I learned after one of my own traumatic events the phrase, "Even so, it is well." There is a pause, a recognition in that phrase of noticing what is, right here in this moment. We wake up (thankfully!), still go through our morning routines, we work, kids go to school, we still brush our teeth and have to eat. We still pick up dog poop and wash our dishes. Our nervous system needs to know that even so, it is well.
When we remain intently present in each passing moment, we can be of most service, as I mentioned earlier with being a helper. To get caught up in what we think we know is true is just an illusion. Nothing is certain, ever. To recognize this tough truth is much of navigating humanity. We never know what is next, for good or bad, so there isn't much value in depleting ourselves for a false sense of knowing. Presence - what do I have today on my calendar? Am I safe right now? Breathing. That is what is most helpful.
Settle on the Center
When we are present, we can also soften into our own center. The center holds us despite the waves of uncertainty, pain, and suffering in and around us. Like a tall, rooted tree - the trunk that is held up by deep roots - the center holds. To withstand the bursts and sharp edges, to undergo heat and exhaustion, to be peeled back, beaten down, leaned on heavily... the center must hold.
How do you maintain your center? Is it time with loved ones or good night's sleep? Is it drinking water and staying off social media? Is it moving your body and doing puzzles? Now, more than ever, you must steady your center. Remain unshakeable, remain solid, remain steady.
With steady hands and sturdy hearts, we have the clarity to continue on. Hope can sustain.
Remember, you're never, ever alone on this journey. And don't you ever, ever give up. We need you.
Hugs.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools
If you're itching for something to do, I always encourage people to look to local resources. What non-profits and community organizations are already working on causes you want to get behind? Our local school has a fundraiser going for the LA wildfires, and my kids are so passionate about it, which is always great to see.
Gratitude
"Do small things with big love" - a phrase I have always loved but felt more deeply this season as it was the mantra of a dear mom we lost in our community. Small things matter. When hope and change feel so out of reach, start small. Leading with a grateful heart is always a good place to start.
Innovation
Did you know you could block certain artists from Spotify? I just learned this yesterday, and it felt invigorating to curate my playlists this way. Think about where you can have your own mini-resistance that feels like you're taking back a little bit of control. Not hurting anyone, just tiny opportunities for empowerment.
Feels
I know not everyone in our community may feel the same way right now, and that is okay. The worst thing we could do, at any time, is create more division and hostility. To know how to love all in spite of differences is the real flex. Love your neighbor. Be kind to everyone. I always remind myself that I never know someone's "why," and it's not my job to. If I respond to hate with love, I am staying true to my integrity. Keep choosing love, please, because the world needs more of it.
