How to Know You're Not Okay
It’s not ironic to me that on World Mental Health day, my own mental health is suffering.
All week I have had the raw feeling of being on the cusp of a major crying spell. I’ve felt persistent anxiety at my chest, panic simmering beneath my skin. I’ve felt whole body tired. I’ve felt apathetic, stuck, hopeless, unmotivated and completely overwhelmed.
Sure, a workout may help. Or a nice huge green smoothie. Or a self-help book. Or sitting outside with my dog. Or an energizing meditation.
But I have tried all those things this week, even today, and I haven’t shaken it. And I have things to do. Emails, admin, marketing, laundry, vacuuming, meal prepping, showering.
And yet, it feels all I can muster the effort to do is mindlessly scroll, write this post and sit in my self pity.
And I know better. I should be better. I should be doing better. But this week, today, I am struggling.
And so what to do?
1- I’m going to acknowledge the feeling. To not push it down or don’t ignore it. It’s uncomfortable as all heck, but I’m going to acknowledge it.
2- I’ll name it. Is it fear, worry or boredom? Is it stemming from how I value my self-worth? Is it comparison? Is it because busy feels productive and when times are slow it feels like failure? By the way, it’s totally the last one.
3- Face it head on. Okay, whatever IT is, I have to look it in the face. Stare at that unworthiness, not enoughness, fear over uncertainty, in the face. Look at it and challenge it. Poke holes in the narrative.
4- And learn from it. This is the hardest part because then I have to create some action step. But once I can see the story for how I created it, I can ask myself what is this teaching me, what can I take from this? And then DO SOMETHING about it. One of the hardest things might be just getting off the couch and showering. But it’s movement. It’s taking back control.
5- Repeat. Yep, this process repeats itself as often as necessary. Which in particularly hard times, it’s a lot. And that’s okay.
So, I’m getting up now. Making myself that smoothie, taking a shower and heading to work. I know my story, how it drained me today and how to face it without being completely defeated. I’ve taken the time to quiet, to reflect, to cry, to vent, to journal, to mope and ultimately have the courage to process, face it and work at it
But I have done the work for a long time to manage this process myself. I’ve had lots of help. And still do. I have a coach, a therapist, a mentor, a husband cheerleader.
So, ask for help. Therapy is cool because it works and helps you develop your own process to work through the hard stuff. We all want to be more resilient. I can help. Because I go through it too.
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