Free Yourself from Diet Culture, Live Your Life
Much of therapy and the healing process includes addressing and challenging limiting beliefs and narratives that we have created about ourselves over the course of our lifetime. These limiting beliefs can be created around what we’ve been told our life is “supposed” to look like, what were “allowed” to do, what we “should” do, and they can be applied to our careers, our relationships, our behaviors, our communication, our mindset, etc.
We don’t come up with limiting beliefs on our own though. They are influenced and communicated to us by the world around us.
One of the most common societal “shoulds” surrounds what human bodies are “supposed” to look like. Without even needing to say much more – you most likely have an idea of what I’m talking about. Go ahead – take a pause and imagine what a human is “supposed” to look like.
If I had to guess, you pictured someone that is – Thin, but not too thin. Athletic, perhaps not obviously “jacked”, but able-bodied. Clear, glowing complexion – not too pale, but not too dark. Full head of hair. This “ideal” is what we see in the media, on television, in advertising. It’s what we are subconsciously, and less than subtly, told to look like. Unless by some miracle, or you live under a rock, it’s what we often all secretly wished we looked like.
Like I said, we don’t come up with this physical standard on our own though. When we’re 5 years old, we don’t tell our family and friends, “When I grow up, I want to be skinny.” We’re not even thinking about that, we’re too busy with the magic and wonders of being human. Yet somewhere along the line of growing up, we become more conscious of ourselves and our place in the world. And unfortunately, our world is steeped in Diet Culture.
Now even if you’ve never heard the term diet culture, you’ve most likely experienced it and have unfortunately fallen prey to it. I say this because these days it’s pretty hard to escape.
Diet culture is vast, but let’s look at some of the aspects. As defined by Christy Harrison, RD, host of the FoodPsych Podcast and author of Anti-Diet, diet culture is a system of beliefs that:
Worships thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue
Promotes weight loss as a means of attaining higher status
Demonizes certain ways of eating while elevating others
Oppresses people who don't match up with its supposed picture of “health”
There are many problems with diet culture, but the reason it’s so important to understand and become aware of it is because it quite literally affects some of our most basic needs as humans, it prevents us from living to our FULLEST potential.
Let’s take a look at how diet culture hijacks aspects of our basic needs, and prevents us from fully living, through the lens of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (a motivational theory in psychology that depicts a five-tier model of human needs). The basic idea of this model is that humans must be able to satisfy the needs at the bottom of the pyramid, in order to be able to consider satisfying the needs in the next tier, and so on.
Physiological – food, water, shelter, sleep, clothing
At the base of the pyramid, are our most basic needs. Diet culture’s effects on these needs can be the most obvious, yet also the sneakiest because they’re the most societally acceptable. Unless you’ve become aware of diet culture and consciously reject it, you’ve most likely engaged in it.
Diets, and diets disguised as “clean eating”, “healthy foods”, “no guilt” or “wellness”, dictate what people can eat. More importantly, they dictate what people can’t eat. While many people may declare they’re not on a diet, they may have beliefs and behaviors that they’ve picked up that determine what/how much/when they eat, all in pursuit of thinness, or “health” (Remember diet culture equates thinness to health, which is simply not true).
I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone get excited about what they wouldn’t be able to eat while on a diet. Food is pleasure, nurturing, it’s comfort. Food is culture, it’s community, it’s what brings people together. Not that we’re gathering much right now, but there is nothing more stressful than being on a diet and being hyper focused on what will be served somewhere because you’ll need to “be careful” (or bring your own pre-prepared Tupperware of food from home).
Another need that every human (at least one’s that live around other humans) must fulfill is clothing. When we’re kids, we don’t really think twice about the size of our clothes – as long as we can run, jump, roll and laugh in them. As we become more conscious of our bodies, we become more conscious of what we’re putting on them, and what people think of that. Going up a pant or dress size (even if it’s WAY more comfortable) is unthinkable. We would rather squeeze and not breathe. Anything that jiggles must be smoothed, tucked and hidden.
Safety needs – personal security, resources, safety, health
When one feels desperate enough for a sense of belonging, higher self-esteem and to feel how they believe they should feel (the next “needs” tiers up), because we do all deserve that, people will go to drastic lengths. And if those are tied to how one looks, people can put their health at major risks, often in pursuit of what they think IS “health”.
Again for those in the back - thinness does not equate to health. Restriction of food intake, elimination of entire food groups (necessary ones like carbohydrates), or trying whatever random information one can find on the internet these days are not safe. People can put themselves in more danger with these attempts at thinness than if they just ate the piece of cake.
Not to mention the “quick fix” supplements and plans… These products are rarely properly tested. Just because they temporarily worked for one person, doesn’t mean they’ll work (and they won’t) for every body. People put their health, and their finances at risk. These products and plans are expensive! The diet and weight loss industry is worth billions of dollars.
The reason people go to these lengths and just keep trying new diets, is that the industry has made people believe that they’re just doing it wrong, or not well enough, so people keep trying more and more diets. It’s quite the brilliant marketing cycle.
But diets don’t work. Intentional restriction of calories of any kind, puts the body into starvation mode. This is not a place that the body is meant to, or wants to, stay at for long. If you’ve ever felt “out of control” around food – this is why.
Love and belonging – friendship, intimacy, family, sense of connection
Without even being aware of it, diet culture robs us of our energy and attention that should be aimed towards our relationships and connections.
Have you ever been invited to a party and worried about what food might be served there (not because you have an allergy, but because it might an “off-limits” food)?
What about having plans to go out to dinner with your partner and checking the menu ahead of time to make sure there’s something you’ll be “allowed” to eat (or doing some quick mental food swaps ex: no cheese, no bun, ask for sautéed broccoli instead of French fries)?
Or completely missing what someone is saying to you because you’re thinking about what you ate that day, what you will eat or when you’re going to work out?
Dieting or trying to lose weight, becomes a full-time job. Your thoughts are totally consumed, and every moment of your life becomes about making sure you’re “on track”. It becomes easier not to spend time with other people (much to the dismay of our mental health), and really important relationships, get put on the back burner.
Sometimes we don’t even give ourselves a chance at connection or intimacy, because we believe that we won’t be accepted or loved as we are.
But try something here with me – imagine your closest friends, or the people you look up to the most. What do you like about those people?
It could be that they are supportive, funny, caring, encouraging, dependable. These are some important and special human traits. Notice how not one of those things is about how someone looks. I’m not friends with my friends BECAUSE their body looks a certain way, and I know that’s the case for how my friends feel about me. Whether my body grows or shrinks, turns purple or polka dot, I know that what bonds my relationships is based on love and respect, not my pant size.
Esteem – respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, feeling of accomplishment
It is a natural human trait to make sense and order of things. Since the beginning of time, humans have created systems. We want to know what is right vs. what is wrong. We want to know who is on top, and who’s at the bottom of the food chain.
In Christy Harrison’s book, Anti-Diet, she goes more into the history of diet culture and how it is a form of oppression. It has created a system that disproportionately harms women, femmes, people in larger bodies, people of color, and people with disabilities. When people move through their life believing that their body, exactly as it is, is considered “less than”, that’s a problem.
In addition, tying one’s sense of accomplishment to an external form of validation – the number on a scale, how well you follow a diet, what people say/think of you – you give away your power. You continue to strive for more and more validation. Something will always feel out of reach. No matter how well you follow these things, strive towards, or even achieve, there’s always still a missing sense of fulfillment. Always chasing something (acceptance, happiness) that truly lives right inside of you.
Who are you? What do you like most about yourself, outside of your body shape, size, and weight? If this question is hard, that’s okay. It’s hard for most people. You don’t have to have an answer now – it’s just something to consider.
Self-actualization – the desire to become the most that one can be
Through the lens of diet culture, one is made to feel that they cannot meet their full potential, true fulfillment, freedom until they achieve what they are physically “supposed” to look like. Our dreams are out of reach, or put on hold, until we arrive at our destination.
But as Sonya Renee Taylor says in her book, The Body Is Not An Apology, “[The goal of being “normal”] keeps moving while we dance a perpetual foxtrot, jitterbug, and paso doble around it, trying to catch up and confused when we finish each day exhausted and uninspired by this part called life.”
The stress of diets, or “watching what you’re eating”, trying to be “normal”, takes a huge toll on your mind and your body. Diet culture is exhausting. In addition to our other full-time jobs of being parents, students, friends, humans, etc! It’s draining to be constantly thinking, planning, preparing, and organizing your life around diets.
My hope is that this article probes you to consider what areas of your life have been robbed from you. What you’re experiencing is not an anomaly, diet culture has taken so much from so many. It’s natural to mourn this loss of time, energy and money. And it’s never too late to start again. To live a more loving, compassionate, fulfilling life. You are an incredible human being, JUST as you are.
Working with a therapist, dietician or healthcare provider that is experienced in food and body issues, self-esteem or Intuitive Eating and HAES certified can be helpful along this journey.
Click here to learn more about therapy for disordered eating.
