A Therapist’s Experience with Psychedelics
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Hi, community:
I’m back from a family vacation to Ireland that was magical, grounding, and filled with so much gratitude. I’ve loved coming home to fall weather, turning leaves, and cozy sweatshirts. It’s a beautiful time of year.
And today I want to share a journey I’ve been on. It’s something I’ve kept closer to my heart over the last few months because it’s been really intimate and full of incredible transformations. Today, I’m ready to share my personal experience with psychedelic treatment.
TOOLS
To start, you may be unaware of the growing interest, research, and innovation in psychedelic treatment for mental health. John Hopkins has been the leading medical and academic institution to study the impacts of psychedelics on treating PTSD, depression, and end-of-life anxiety, among other uses.
Michael Pollan, a journalist and best-selling author not only published How To Change Your Mind in 2018 and This Is Your Mind On Plants in 2021, but Netflix picked up his research and launched the How to Change Your Mind documentary this summer. Pollan is the one who famously said, “Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants,” as a nutrition guideline.
Pollan’s research has made clinical psychedelic information more mainstream and a part of growing conversations in our field as to how to progress treatment and provide profound relief for depression-resistant clients, PTSD sufferers, and clients with active suicidal ideation. Clinics such as Michigan Progressive Health provide Ketamine therapy and even some private practices are providing psychedelic-assisted therapy now that such usage has been decriminalized in certain counties.
GRATITUDE
And here’s the thing: the results are astounding.
Fantastic Fungi
So naturally, I had to do my research. I’m a curious person and seeing that one of our values is bold, I needed to understand this ground-breaking research and its implications for our work.
First, I watched this movie. Then, through a myriad of Universe-provided alignments (or maybe the mycelium network), this past winter I enrolled myself in a training program for Psychedelic Assisted Therapy. For 8 weeks I learned about the research, method, and results of using psychedelics (ketamine, MDMA, LCD, peyote, and psilocybin) with clinical clients. By the end of the training, I felt informed and even slightly interested to try the experience myself.
I had never previously engaged in recreational usage of psychedelics and was (annoyingly? appreciatively?) informed by my teacher and cohort that in order to do this work (or even promote it with clients) I had to have my own experience. I was terrified and excited. Thankfully, there was a 5-month waiting list so I had a lot of time to prepare myself with my weekly therapist, my meditation teacher, and my psychedelic therapy team.
On treatment day, I showed up at 10am, had my medicine 11am, started my terrible and incredible journey by 11am and texted my husband to come pick me up at 2:30pm. By 5pm I was showered, home, and eating a giant omelet.
The next day I had a pretty awful headache and felt a bit disconnected. I prioritized a long walk in nature, a massage, meditation, sleeping in, and reading. By Saturday I had a huge team event so I was thrown back into the stark reality of my life, encountered some Sunday Scaries the following day, and anxiously awaited my follow-up appointment that coming Wednesday to process everything.
INNOVATION
I wasn’t the “typical” client for this treatment. While I have been a life-long sufferer of anxiety, my journey was more for personal development reasons. I wished for relief from existential crises, climate anxiety, and clarity on “what’s next”. I had already spent 10+ years in therapy working through a lot of my acute issues and did not go into the ceremony in crisis. I had a clear intention to just stay curious.
Well, my naivete was a gift and an obstacle. The first part of the journey was one of the most excruciating experiences I’ve ever had. More than childbirth. It was distressing, angry, and ugly. I was mad and scared. I didn’t want to close my eyes and see what needed to be shown to me. I was resistant and my Parts were actively trying to protect me from experiencing truth.
This is where the therapy part came in. I was so grateful to have an extremely professional, well-studied expert clinician guiding me. She started helping me open up and allow the process to unfold through talk therapy, grounding practices, and song. My body started to relax and I felt more comfortable leaning into the experience.
FEELS
And then, after I was finally able to let go, the magic happened.
I had incredible realizations about my family, my place in this world, and profound encounters with a spiritual dimension. I felt so at peace and had a deep knowledge that stress is non-essential, that everyone will find their way, I don’t have to rush or force anything, and that I am so supremely supported.
The closest I’ve gotten to this type of peacefulness and spiritual awakening has been through the work in our Elevated Reset program. I’m so grateful for doing that work to prepare me for this next level.
After my experience, I was so lucky to have a few people in my life who have had similar treatments who I could share with my experience. Their validation of my revelations and feelings was important because, after my experience, I felt lonely. I felt it hard to describe to anyone else and had a big vulnerability around it.
In the months since my treatment day, I am a big believer in the right process. I am thankful to have had thorough preparation, an idyllic setting for the ceremony, and a structure set up for integration. This has been a clinical, medicinal experience deeply layered with personal accountability, spiritual growth, and elevated consciousness that I had to be ready for and prepare to continue with the proper tools and support.
The most surprising part of the entire experience has been the reverberations. Psychedelics are proven to open up new pathways in your brain and create opportunities for shifts in perspective that were out of reach and unattainable previously. See, we build the strength of our neuropathways through repetition. Our habits drive so much of what we do and see in this world. With psychedelics, we finally realize there are so many other pathways available to us and we look at life through a wider lens.
I’ve felt these changes down in my daily thoughts and behaviors. Specifically, the top three changes from my psychedelic experience have been:
I can no longer locate my anxiety. While before, my anxiety was something I managed but always hung around, today, I cannot even find it. It’s not there to even grasp onto. It’s just…gone. It’s a bewildering experience and so freeing.
I have relaxed all sense of urgency. I even told my team, “I'm feeling a lot less ambitious lately”. But what it really is has been this relaxing of the pressure to do, prove and control. I simply don’t feel that anymore. Stress is just not something I entertain anymore. I have a deep trust that all will be okay and I can relax into the unfolding. Time is on my side. I’m attaching less to decisions and living so much more present focused.
I like myself. Since my experience, I have felt a yearning to simplify and purify. I am honoring my body in new ways through nutrition, sobriety, and movement. I am less impulsive and materialistic. I judge less and see oneness in others and all things much more. I value time outdoors, quiet time, and reflection with a stronger devotion than ever before. And in all this, I have found that what’s left, when I’ve stripped away the labels, stress, and indulgences is that I like myself. I trust myself now that I finally feel into my core self. It’s a nice place to be.
So, if you’ve gotten this far down, you’re either very intrigued or very turned off. If you’re feeling like this is all too much, I get it. I was there too at one time. But my own experience and the experience of so many others cannot deny the power of these plants.
There is a lot of work to do in this field to make it a more legitimate treatment and I so hope to maintain the sacredness while treatment becomes more accessible. I fear capitalism and the medical model bastardizing the ceremonial essence of the experience.
I’m not sure where it’ll go, but I know psychedelic therapy has the power to change the world. I know it has the power to heal, bring relief, and foster connectedness. I know that in some way, I want to be a part of bringing it more into the world.
This is how I start. Sharing my experience. Now, I feel I can talk more honestly with you all weekly. No shame, no stigma. This is the future.
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